So this last year has been a roller coster of emotions, with work; with dating and life.
I moved again, to a new place a house. Its bigger and feels more like a home :) Carly is somewhat happier. Well see... theres lots of projects that need doing around the house so it should keep me busy and distracted. Thats the new positive part of my life.
There's no new man, although there was one I was kinda crazy about. I always get to this point in life where I want to get up and run and move on to something new when it gets too hard instead of looking at what I can do to push through it mentally. I have been focusing a lot on the past and not the present. Life doesnt move backward only forward...
My friends have really been here for me recently and it has made a world of difference. :) Its funny how much it helps. For so long I refused to believe that I could handle everyones problems and be able to help them out. I enjoy helping others and it makes me feel good when I see that I made them feel better. However, I have to learn to let others help me. Im still really really trying on this one. I was raised in such stern and strict house by my grandparents and mother that Ive never gotten to know anything else.
After the end of my relationship with my ex and a new move and a new job I had a whole new perspective on life! FREEDOM!! LOL for once total and complete and utter freedom! It felt amazing. I got my tattoo Ive wanted, I got my dream job and barely processed it. The newness of the job has sorta worn off and I am working on focusing on other things involved with work. Projects and what not.
Im not sure where life will lead but I have to let go and stop trying to control things all the time. I do wish there was things about others I could get over but I am afraid I will not be able to do that. Sometimes life gives you lessons and you have to stop long enough to process them. Its sooooo hard to notice when to slow down though. Trying to maintain a positive outlook is even more exhausting. I get fatigued easily and sometimes periods of anxiety come.
Most important lesson of all...be patient and in the moment, enjoy it while I have it.
The hardest part is learning to be alone. ;( Its sooo lonely. Life is entirely too hard to handle alone but I have to learn to be alone before I can be someone elses everything :) Most imporantly to be happy with me!!!! 100% everything about me love it all! I am the way GOD intended me to be for a reason :)
With that thought I am signing off, gotta do some stuff around the house...
Im glad I wrote again.
P.S.
Planning some trips for this year as well.
-M
