Im sure youre all tired of reading about my inabilty to establish and maintain a decent relationship. But its my excitement that gets the better of me. I have to learn to be completely alone... I have exhausted all of my friendships and established open and loving communication with all of my close friends again.
Amy and I havent really talked in a week or so which is frustrating but thats ok.
Ashley and I are on fantastic terms, but I know Ive kinda worn out my welcome with some of this stuff and shell tell me so!
Liane and Melissa and I are slowly warming up to one another again
Bonne and I are ok
Brittney and I are pretty good terms :)
And I still chat with my friends in Fresno ;)
Which has been such a blessing. :) I am pursuing something new in my life...I dont know what. I cant stand my job its soooo emotionally draining and challenging. There is just absolutely no way that I can sustain for a happy lovely life that I so desire. I am still sorting out my goals and dreams. Apparently I am not the only one to go through this sort of mental break ;0) Very very reassurring. Someday I will be able to be back at the support that my friends have been and itll be fantastic. I dont see myself being overly happy in the Bay for much longer. I think that I would like to live out here in Lodi, and learn to be alone ;) No Boys, No new friends... who knows... that could be a disaster too... LOL. Gotta take chances right?
I cant worry about the little stuff just enjoy each day that I get it all...I sooooo wish I hadnt of scared off Jeremy though. Such an incredible man. Has helped beyond what he'll ever know. :) I hope the best for him. Good Friends are soo important I am learning. Not being AFRAID to be myself is even more important. Knowing who I am and how I want to be percieved, truly listening... Allowing myself to be there for others instead of the other way around. Which means I have to be quiet and pay attention. Which is exactly what I have done, but I tend to talk about myself too... I am a problem solver and puzzle fixer, a "think outside the boxer" LOL... \
I have set a goal for myself to obtain better financial security, remove myself from caffeine, sodas, candy, alcohol consumption and maintain abstinence. I think once I do this I will see my true self again :)
With these short term goals though, I havent really decided if I want to be married or have kids...Its very conflicting, not stressful but conflicting...I would like to say Yes to both but it just has to be the right time and right person.
This is a long entry I know but its helping to clear my mind at the moment to write to the great internet oblivion.
Thanks!
http://aflourishinglife.com/2011/07/finding-your-way-back-to-your-self/
-M
