Tahoe

Well I got up and away for the weekend, was stressful before and after but absolute perfect bliss. While I was there.

Liane and I went up on Saturday morning and came home today- Monday afternoon. Here are some pictures.

It was very relaxing and enjoyable. Too bad I had to come back to work, work and more work.

Discovery!

Hello World!

Found my love for Jazz Music again today! I forgot how much I have always loved Jazz, and Instrumental Music. I know I am only 29 years old but honestly music from the 60s and &70s, Jazz Music and Instrumental (Govi) is my absolute Favorite!
It has so much more soul and feeling in it! Gets right to the core! So much passion behind it. All the classics like Ella, Nat, Louis, Frank Sinatra....Could listen to them all day! Would make me so happy! I would never get tired of listening to this happy music! I used to have it going all the time
I was able to manage everything in life with no problem.
Exercised
Family
Boyfriend
School
Friends

Balanced ;) Stable and busy, just the way I like it. I was able to truly excel and be the strong woman I know I am.

Just sitting here enjoying the sunshine, with a glass of wine and listening to the jazz music. Heaven :)

Took myself to an As game last week, was nice! Warm. Had a hotdog and a beer and made some chit chat with the neighbors sitting near by.

I am supposed to get baptized tomorrow but I havent connected with the Pastor. To be honest, the baptism is more of a symbol that one has committed to God. I already did that a long time ago. I am an open and honest Christian that believes in something greater and more powerful than myself. I have always been able to know the difference between right and wrong. So therefore I neednt be baptized I need to remember who I am and find and maintain that strength again. Its all in my head.

I know this self control. I loved that aspect of myself!

I finished a table. I had a lot of fun building it.

The stain is called Sedona Red. Loved it! I bought a table saw and it works with my decor and tastes. I am very happy with the way it turned out. I walk by it every day and smile when I do!

I am enrolled in my Masters Degree and its proving to be challenging, not unexpected but I know itll be worth while. I am going to have to push through and keep myself focused.

Anywho better get on it!

-M

Rant

I just need to rant. Coming around to the idea of 30. HOLY SHIT! 30!  LOL… Looking at planning a party with one of my best friends. She's been there and I am not letting go of her either. My mind is in a funk this last week. Starting my Masters, which I am stoked about but its so much work! Im freaking out about not paying my bills off as much as I should. Im planning a tattoo out for myself,  which I have given extreme consideration and I am excited about. I love the idea and where I want it. I  just know it'll jeopardize my career goals as well.. but to be honest I just don't fucking care anymore. I want it where I want it because to me my happiness is all that matters. I have always stood by that and I always will… I just want to know that at the end I have done what I wanted and enjoyed every freaking minute of it. Bad or good. I was raised with good morals and values, but have always been carefree and spontaneous. I consider myself to be a responsible risk taker. Some say there is no such thing but I disagree… because if you carefully evaluate things you can take risks with in your responsibility. Like a mild shopping spree, or getting that tattoo you've always wanted, learning a new hobby. Basically don't fucking give a shit what people think and do what you want. Which I know I can't do with my job as much as I want to. I have to use my outspoken ways in the right way. Get people to listen. I have always been different though. I usually command a presence when I speak and then I am heard. I learned the technique when I was coaching that I actually would get more out of my kids when I would just stand quietly waiting for their attention rather than yelling at them. Forceed them to pay attention. Not in a controlling way, but in a way to get them to realize that what I had to say was important and their lives were impacted by it. I am trying hard to get that finesse at the bedside. I do it well with my families and patients. But not as much with my coworkers. Some days I have the best days others, I leave feeling like shit. Guess its all par for the course. Some days I wanna shit my pants because I am so anxious with the child's life in my hands, I am trying so hard to find my true strength again. Its right there and I just can't reach it… So frustrating. My  mom said that when I get to the place where I am headed I won't even notice it. LOL.. She has good things to say sometimes. She's provided a lot of wisdom and truth to me.

Music…. Music… Music makes me happy. If I ever lost my hearing or being able to communicate I would be miserable. purely miserable. In the last 3 years I have had to learn how to admit my failures and mistakes. I used to be able to do things so flawlessly or at least I thought so. Then life went and beat me up… LOL I had hoped that the transition through it all would  have gone smoother but I guess not. I should count my blessings…. good friends, though they all live far away. Good health, a good but freaking hard ass job- which makes me appreciate my life so much more… to be honest that is why I keep going back to it… It provides me with insight to how life really is and it gives me honor to serve those who are less fortunate than me. I don't know where I learned it or what made me decide. But I had a conversation with my roommate a while back and she asked me how I got the way I am.. I told her I  wasn't sure. Then I recollected that when I was  younger I remember making a conscious decisions to be a good person. That is something I stand by, and it kills me when I feel like I haven't done enough. I truly believe that my purpose in life is to serve others. Which I know sounds a bit like a doormat but I mean it in a way that people have respect for me because I choose to make the effort to  put their needs ahead of mine. But I never forget about what I need too… I just don't make others do it for me. My nanny growing up came to my college Graduation party and she said she was not surprised when she found out that I was a  Nurse. She said I was always the one who was taking care of all the other kids… :) Makes me smile that thought. I LOVE being a Nurse. It makes me proud. I just wish I was respected more by my peers. That is what I am trying to achieve. Its whats been my hardest hurdle to achieve with this job.

Ok I think I got it all out of my system now this journaling thing.., Still helps. Time to focus on homework.